Fear

I’m starting this blog because of the encouragement from friends who said it is important to get the information and thoughts I have out to the world.  My retort was that I am trying to get away from technology, not get more involved with it.   Relying on a computer is scary for me.  I’ve fought it for months, saying that I just can’t tweet, blog, instagram etc.  I always mess it up.  The computers freeze or I can’t work the technology given to me.   Even the person who helps me with my presentations or apps has commented how weird things happen to my phone or computer.  “It just doesn’t make sense”  she would say.

I was walking my dog in the woods one day and a flood of thought came to me.  It was a misty, cloudy day.  The rays of sun I usually see poking through the leaves were absent.  But I felt compelled to get my thoughts down on paper (or should I say in “word”).  I started thinking about blogging, how I was feeling and what I was experiencing.  I also started to question all my excuses for not embracing some of this technology to share my thoughts.  You know what word came to me?  FEAR!  Fear of putting myself out to the universe where I may be judged.  What if people think my thoughts are stupid or lame?  What if the reader doesn’t like me?  This is a huge thing to admit to myself.  What’s really interesting is that I finally realize how lame my fear is.  Who cares what people think?  As long as I like myself, that is all that is important.  Maybe someone will resonate with some of my words and thoughts.  If I can get a few people to start questioning their lives so that they can make positive changes, then I am happy.  Even if someone realizes that they are not alone in their thoughts, that they too, can make changes in their lives.

Some have said that failure can lead to a new beginning.  You know that saying,  “When one door closes another one opens”.  It is precisely this kind of challenge that helps move us forward.  The difficult part of the process is recognizing it and doing something with the knowledge and experience.  I am here to tell you that this is not easy.  It can be a long and uncomfortable process.  Baby steps is all you need.  Keep moving forward.  Embracing self care is one way to start.